Daily Archives: February 9, 2013

“You No Ladyboy”

(Ed. note: No photos today – too focused on improving our game. This blog by Geoff.)

Alright, so today we are at Royal Chiang Mai Golf and Country Club. We each have set of men’s rentals of average knock off quality, but what the hell – it’s only golf right. We are introduced to our caddies – Min and Min (should have been Abbot and Costello, Laurel and Hardy or Burns and Allen). They were hilarious. My Min was about 4 foot nothing, 25, cute as a bug and smart as a whip as they used to say. Terry’s Min, a little larger but “Drive more careful, I have no husband yet” (What??)

The day doesn’t start well, however. The driver picks us up at 8:00 for a 8:57 tee time. I think it must be quite close and say to him how far – he says 45 minutes. He asks if I have the voucher – shoot – up to the room, three slow stops down and we are on the road at 8:13. I think they tell the drivers to pick us up at 8 and deliver them to the golf course and nothing about tee time, since he doesn’t seem particularly concerned about getting there in any particular hurry. We meander along and arrive at 8:55, get checked in, changed and down to the first tee where, I think because we are late, there is a back up so they send us off to start on 16, which is quite close to the 10th tee. No problem. I proceed to top my drive which gets just past the end of the tee box. I can feel the two Min’s looking at each other.

Anyway, we proceed along through 16, and 17 and then it happens. After our drives on 18, they say (and I am getting tired of hearing all the caddies say this) “Madame very beautiful” and I say “What about me?” They say in unison, almost like it was rehearsed, “You no ladyboy, you no beautiful”. We almost fell out of the cart. We pick up Steve on the 1st as we made the turn. Very nice guy, American, more money that he will ever need but really very pleasant. Has a house in San Clemente and one in La Quinta on the fairway of the Stadium course at PGA West. Did a little name dropping but sincerely not in any kind of obnoxious way. He was telling us that a friend of his (who is their Secretary of the Navy) was in to visit him and he was saying to him “Look Hillary is doing a great job, but can’t you do something to pretty her up?” and the response apparently was that she doesn’t care anymore. (BTW He thinks that if she gets a clean bill of health, she will run in 2016 and from what he said, he seems to run in the circles that he would know that stuff). Anyway back to golf.

Terry’s Min tried to be very helpful, but it always came out wrong I think. She told Terry that “You have trouble with your putting” and Terry is thinking “Ya think?”, then “How long you been playing – you going to be very good.” However, unlike my Min, after 18 holes she told Terry to take off her shoes and wait in the cart as she took them to clean them.My Min just showed me the air hose.

We are on about our 12th hole and my Min says my shirt is very colourful – and it was black with some purple and blue squiggles –  not even Loudmouth. Steve says to her in Thai (he lives here and is fluent) that my underwear is even more colourful. If Thais can go red, she went crimson, covered her face and said “No no, I shy!”  On our 14th hole I ask “How far?” She says “130 yards” I say “Every hole you say 130, 130, 130 – this is 120”  She says “Okay, what you want? Pitching Wedge?” I say “Yes” and promptly put it in the bunker 10 yards short. Min “Okay you say 120 but really 130 now you in big hole.” I thought Terry was going to wet herself.

There were many more episodes of laughter – which was good because the golf was a laugher. It became very hot by the time we finished which means Monday and Wednesday should be interesting since we don’t tee off until noon.

Tomorrow we are off to ride elephants, go bamboo rafting and visit an orchid farm. In the evening we will be going to a Thai cooking school for a lesson.

Just remember, though, I no Ladyboy!!

Some Photos Before a Very Funny Blog

We had our first golfing experience in Chiang Mai today and it was a real hoot! Wait until you hear. Until then, however our  last photos of the Temple of the Reclining Buddha.

These are Mother of Pearl "boulders" which are panels on the soles of the Reclining Buddha's feet. Each of these panels were about 6'" x 8". There were well over 100 on each foot.

These are Mother of Pearl “boulders” which are panels on the soles of the Reclining Buddha’s feet. Each of these panels were about 6′” x 8″. There were well over 100 on each foot.

A Mother of Pearl "elephant" sole panel.

A Mother of Pearl “elephant” sole panel.

One of the many, many intimidating guards who look after the reclining Buddha. Very cool guys.

One of the many, many intimidating guards who look after the reclining Buddha. Very cool guys.

A kindly older gentleman wearing a top hat. Just why there are a series of these guys around a Buddhist temple is a little confusing.

A kindly older gentleman wearing a top hat. Just why there are a series of these guys around a Buddhist temple is a little confusing.

This is one in a series of little animal guys scattered around the temple grounds. Sure looks like Donkey to me!

This is one in a series of little animal guys scattered around the temple grounds. Sure looks like Donkey to me!

"Please feed me..."

“Please feed me…”

and I think this looks like a puppy wanting to please.

and I think this looks like a puppy wanting to please.

A mysterious cat...

A mysterious cat…

Okay, so I am watching these two young couples take many, many pictures of this thing, all of them touching it in one way or the other. I finally say to one, who turns out to be Russian, "What is this all about?" She says "It is a phallus" I say "Yes it is" and she says "No, it is The Lucky Phallus, very old. The young one is over there." I look and it is an awful lot smaller than the old one (see inset for actual size comparison). I think the Bhuddists either have something the rest of us old guys don't have, or they live in a different space-time continuum warp if it gets bigger the older it gets.

Okay, so I am watching these two young couples take many, many pictures of this thing, all of them touching it in one way or the other. I finally say to one, who turns out to be Russian, “What is this all about?” She says “It is a phallus” I say “Yes it is” and she says “No, it is The Lucky Phallus, very old. The young one is over there.” I look and it is an awful lot smaller than the old one (see inset for actual size comparison). I think the Bhuddists either have something the rest of us old guys don’t have, or they live in a different space-time continuum warp if it gets bigger the older it gets.