“You No Ladyboy”

(Ed. note: No photos today – too focused on improving our game. This blog by Geoff.)

Alright, so today we are at Royal Chiang Mai Golf and Country Club. We each have set of men’s rentals of average knock off quality, but what the hell – it’s only golf right. We are introduced to our caddies – Min and Min (should have been Abbot and Costello, Laurel and Hardy or Burns and Allen). They were hilarious. My Min was about 4 foot nothing, 25, cute as a bug and smart as a whip as they used to say. Terry’s Min, a little larger but “Drive more careful, I have no husband yet” (What??)

The day doesn’t start well, however. The driver picks us up at 8:00 for a 8:57 tee time. I think it must be quite close and say to him how far – he says 45 minutes. He asks if I have the voucher – shoot – up to the room, three slow stops down and we are on the road at 8:13. I think they tell the drivers to pick us up at 8 and deliver them to the golf course and nothing about tee time, since he doesn’t seem particularly concerned about getting there in any particular hurry. We meander along and arrive at 8:55, get checked in, changed and down to the first tee where, I think because we are late, there is a back up so they send us off to start on 16, which is quite close to the 10th tee. No problem. I proceed to top my drive which gets just past the end of the tee box. I can feel the two Min’s looking at each other.

Anyway, we proceed along through 16, and 17 and then it happens. After our drives on 18, they say (and I am getting tired of hearing all the caddies say this) “Madame very beautiful” and I say “What about me?” They say in unison, almost like it was rehearsed, “You no ladyboy, you no beautiful”. We almost fell out of the cart. We pick up Steve on the 1st as we made the turn. Very nice guy, American, more money that he will ever need but really very pleasant. Has a house in San Clemente and one in La Quinta on the fairway of the Stadium course at PGA West. Did a little name dropping but sincerely not in any kind of obnoxious way. He was telling us that a friend of his (who is their Secretary of the Navy) was in to visit him and he was saying to him “Look Hillary is doing a great job, but can’t you do something to pretty her up?” and the response apparently was that she doesn’t care anymore. (BTW He thinks that if she gets a clean bill of health, she will run in 2016 and from what he said, he seems to run in the circles that he would know that stuff). Anyway back to golf.

Terry’s Min tried to be very helpful, but it always came out wrong I think. She told Terry that “You have trouble with your putting” and Terry is thinking “Ya think?”, then “How long you been playing – you going to be very good.” However, unlike my Min, after 18 holes she told Terry to take off her shoes and wait in the cart as she took them to clean them.My Min just showed me the air hose.

We are on about our 12th hole and my Min says my shirt is very colourful – and it was black with some purple and blue squiggles –  not even Loudmouth. Steve says to her in Thai (he lives here and is fluent) that my underwear is even more colourful. If Thais can go red, she went crimson, covered her face and said “No no, I shy!”  On our 14th hole I ask “How far?” She says “130 yards” I say “Every hole you say 130, 130, 130 – this is 120”  She says “Okay, what you want? Pitching Wedge?” I say “Yes” and promptly put it in the bunker 10 yards short. Min “Okay you say 120 but really 130 now you in big hole.” I thought Terry was going to wet herself.

There were many more episodes of laughter – which was good because the golf was a laugher. It became very hot by the time we finished which means Monday and Wednesday should be interesting since we don’t tee off until noon.

Tomorrow we are off to ride elephants, go bamboo rafting and visit an orchid farm. In the evening we will be going to a Thai cooking school for a lesson.

Just remember, though, I no Ladyboy!!

4 thoughts on ““You No Ladyboy”

  1. Judith

    What a hoot…laughed my way through .. between you and the “Mins” you must have and the most fun of anyone on the course. If I had only known how much fun golf was I would have stayed with it! on second thought…probably not!

  2. Trish

    Nothing like a good laugh to start the day. You guys are hilarious! Your blogs continue the enrich our days. Keep them coming. Happy golfing. Trish

  3. wendy wilson

    What fun to read your blogs! I “LOL” all the way through this You No Lady Boy. What experiences you two are having. Perhaps, when you are back in Canada, a newspaper would have you write a column for afew weeks. Travel section! Wendy and Russ


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